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communication effectiveness

Leaders Are Listeners

Effective communication is key to success, and when you’re good at it, people notice. Most people think that strengthening communication skills involves developing persuasive speech and conversational skills. I believe the most powerful communication skills are not in your speaking, they’re in your listening!

Communication is a 2-way process. There is a speaker and a listener. Without an effective listener, none of the conversational skills matter. If you want people to listen to you, you must listen to them first. Demonstrate a willingness to listen and understand and the rest of the communication process will flow with ease.

5 techniques for building your listening skills:

1. Fight the urge to speak. When you’re engaged in a conversation it’s natural to start concentrating on what you’re going to say next. You may even be tempted to open your mouth before the other person is finished. Make the extra effort to keep your lips sealed until he’s through talking.  While he’s speaking, don’t worry about what you’re going to say next. Stay present and focus on the words and body language of the other person.

2. Look interested. Your nonverbal communication skills speak volumes! If you’re looking disinterested and uncaring, the person trying to communicate with you will pick up on these subtle hints. She may be flustered or less likely to share her thoughts. Engage with the person talking. Make eye contact and nod your head or smile. Let your conversation partner know that her points are coming across to you.

3. Paraphrase the highlights. Help your conversation partner know she is effectively communicating by restating her points. You can repeat key phrases in an affirming tone. Better yet, give her a quick summary of what she just said in your own words.  Avoid sharing your opinions when paraphrasing concepts or ideas! At this point, you simply want to communicate that you’ve completely understood her meaning.

4. Ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask your conversation partner to elaborate on what he’s saying. If you need further information, ask for it. The important thing is that you understand what he’s trying to get across.

5. Be patient. Effective listening skills take time to learn. I find the biggest hurdle to get over is your own discomfort of trying on this new skill. Trust your ability to take this on! And don’t be afraid to let people know you’re learning a new skill. Others will admire your willingness to learn and you’re openness about it.

BONUS: 5 Door-openers for paraphrasing your conversation partner

“If I’m hearing you accurately, you’re concerned about…..”

“Help me understand if I getting this, you want……”

“So what I’m hearing is…….”

“I want to make sure I’m understanding. What you’re saying is……”

“For clarity, what you’re talking about is……”

These door-openers may feel awkward at first, but give yourself permission to step into the discomfort. As you practice and learn to master effective listening, I guarantee your effectiveness as a leader will improve!

Laura Watson, ACC, MSW is President of Venture Coaching Inc., and was a finalist for the Canadian Coach of the Year Award. Venture Coaching provides Business Coaching, and Life and Leadership coaching to entrepreneurs so they can love their life and business! Venture Coaching provides the tools, process and support to accelerate your personal and business growth.

Give The Gift of Great Feedback

I adopted a great belief from my husband; “feedback is the breakfast of champions”. At first, I didn’t “get it”, but I have learned that receiving feedback is a powerful gift for personal and professional growth. I have also learned that giving feedback effectively is an important leadership skill that leads to powerful working relationships.

I did not always share this perspective. For many years feedback (a.k.a. criticism) was something I dreaded and avoided. I didn’t want to hear it and I definitely didn’t want to give it. However, I am pleased to report that I have moved from being a feedback-avoider to recently being crowned the “Feedback Queen”.

Leaders who give effective feedback experience less stress and conflict, their teams are more productive, their company morale strengthens, and their relationships at home with their spouse and children improve dramatically. Given the huge difference effective feedback can make, it makes sense to share the secrets of effective feedback with you now…

Secret #1: Feedback is about behavior, not your judgment of it

This is the first and most important consideration that makes or breaks effective feedback delivery. Often our decision to give feedback is triggered by feelings of anger, frustration, hurt or annoyance we feel towards another person. These feelings are triggered when someone does something and we judge or interpret the actions negatively. We make up a story about what the other person’s behavior means and we react to it with defensiveness, annoyance, anger or even sarcasm. Giving effective feedback relies on our ability to separate the other person’s actions (facts) from our story (judgment) of the facts. With this clarity, our own heated emotions usually dissipate and we are better prepared to give effective feedback.

Secret #2: Feedback requires timing

Give feedback any time someone says or does something that affects you, positively or negatively. Most of us avoid giving feedback and hate receiving it because it’s only offered when something negative happens. A great way to learn effective feedback delivery is to practice giving it during the good times! When your staff member says or does something that makes a difference in your day (i.e. takes initiative to send out some billings so you don’t have to), give feedback (according the steps listed below). Tell that person what a difference his actions made for you.

Secret #3: Feedback is about creating mutual understanding

Giving effective feedback is not about seeking agreement from another person, it’s about helping someone hear what we have to say without him defending himself, dismissing the information or making a counter-attack. Our emphasis is on understanding each other better. Remember, we all wander around the world, experiencing it from our own perspective. We forget that we all have different and unique ways of experiencing situations and events. Giving feedback helps others see better how their words and actions affect the people around them, which uncovers blind spots and helps them decide whether or not they want to change their behavior.

4 Steps for being a feedback Queen (or King):

Step 1: Ask permission

No matter what your relationship is with the feedback recipient, sincerely ask if you may, “offer and idea”, “thank you for something” or “clear an issue”. Asking permission demonstrates respect for the other person and paves the way for their openness to hearing what you have to say.

Step 2: Share your intention for the feedback

Why are you offering this feedback? Is your intention to strengthen the relationship? Do you need to get an issue off your chest? Do you want to help someone improve his performance? Being clear about our intention, and sharing this, increases our chances for success and continues to keep the recipient open to hearing it.

Step 3: Describe the facts

Facts are words said and/or behaviors demonstrated (not our judgment of them). Spoken and written words that can be quoted are facts (i.e. when you said…..). Actions that could be videotaped are facts (i.e. when you sent the invoicing out without being asked). Facts not our judgements (i.e. when you were rude to me yesterday…). Describing the facts of the situation helps the recipient understand specifically and clearly what the feedback is referring to. By eliminating our judgment of the facts, emotion is removed and we reduce the likelihood of provoking defensiveness.

Step 4: Describe your feelings or story about the facts

Explain how the other person’s words or actions affected you or the story or judgment you made up about their behavior. It’s important to stay accountable, take ownership and use I-language (this will help decrease defensiveness and maintain receptivity in the listener). For example, we might say to a business partner, “when you told me the other day that you made this decision without talking to me, I felt disregarded. Making these kinds of decisions without me feels disrespectful and does not feel collaborative to me”. The recipient of this feedback might not like hearing it, but chances are he will be more open to hearing the message and willing to stay engaged to solve the problem.

Are you ready to step up your leadership?

Feedback is a tremendous gift we can learn to give others. Creativity, connection, collaboration, productivity, innovation, and problem solving all improve when companies give and seek out meaningful feedback. And these improvements foster accelerated progress in business and in life. I challenge you to become the Feedback Queen or King in your business!

To Step Up your leadership abilities, call Laura Watson at: 877-669-8684 for a free coaching consult. You can also email her: Laura@VentureCoaching.ca

Laura Watson, ACC, MSW is President of Venture Coaching Inc., and was a finalist for the 2010 Canadian Coach of the Year Award. Venture Coaching provides Business Coaching , and Life and Leadership coaching programs to entrepreneurs so they create success without sacrifice! Venture Coaching provides the tools, process and support to accelerate your business and personal growth.

Prevent Conflict and Stop the Power Struggling

When my daughter was 3 years old, her personality and individuality really started to shine. This is a nice way of saying she didn’t always do what I wanted her to do and we were power struggling with each other. Said most accurately, however, I admit that I was one who was power struggling, she was just being 3 years old.

One day, during one of our power struggles, I had a moment I will never forget. I was trying to make my daughter do something (I can’t even remember what) and suddenly I heard my father’s tone and words coming out of my mouth. I stopped cold. What a flashback! I couldn’t believe what just happened. I knew I was not parenting effectively in this moment and I knew that over time, power struggling was not going to be a long-term, effective relationship strategy. I needed to do something different.

This “aha” moment was the catalyst that sent me on the hunt for new interpersonal skills. It helped me find the book that changed my life. While browsing the library shelves shortly after my epiphany, I stumbled across Parent Effectiveness Training, by Dr. Thomas Gordon. The title resonated with me because I knew I wanted to be a more effective parent. Little did I realize this book, combined with conscious, consistent application of its tools and skills would transform my parenting, my marriage, my coaching and the lives of my clients!

Leader Effectiveness Training Changed My Life!

Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) and its business counter-part Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.) discuss how many of us use power to get what we want in our family and work relationships. We use power because that’s what we learned at home, growing up (ever heard the expression “my way or the highway”?) These books show how using power is ineffective and how it damages our personal and professional relationships. And then the books teach us what to do differently. These books brilliantly coach the skills needed to create happy, healthy, effective relationships at home and at the office!

I liked P.E.T so much, that 1 week after reading it I enrolled in a certification program so I could teach it. Since then, I taught hundreds of parents, business owners and leaders how to use these essential relationship skills.

Repeatedly in my business coaching sessions, my clients share challenges they experience with business partners, team members, clients and family members. Everyone wants to improve their relationships they just don’t know how. I regularly advise my clients to read P.E.T or any one of the spin-off books; Leader Effectiveness Training (L.E.T.), Sales Effectiveness Training (S.E.T.) or Be Your Best. The results are amazing! Their lives and businesses are more successful and satisfying when they learn and apply new relationship skills.

My daughter is now 21 years old. She has a playful personality and she is a strong, independent thinker. We respect each other, listen to each other and communicate openly. I feel blessed to have such a great relationship with my daughter and I’m thankful that I woke up and put the effort into learning and practicing how to be effective.

How could your life and business be different if you did the same?

Laura Watson is President of Venture Coaching Inc., and was a finalist for the 2010 Canadian Coach of the Year Award. Venture Coaching provides Business Coaching, Life and Leadership coaching programs to entrepreneurs so they create success without sacrifice! Venture Coaching provides the tools, process and support to accelerate your personal and business growth.

The Lost Art Of Listening

“Seek to understand before being understood”, Steven Covey

In a previous post called “You are sabotaging your communication“, we talked about what NOT to do with your communication. I find it useful to help my clients build some awareness regarding how they may be ineffectively communicating and negatively impacting their relationships, so they are inspired to learn some new skills. Today we’re talking about what to do to make your leadership communication more effective.

In an age of email and texting, listening skills have become a lost art. One of the best compliments I get from my clients is that I’m a great listener. I think it’s a powerful gift to really listen to someone and give them an experience of being heard. When people feel heard, they feel understood. When they feel understood, strong relationships are formed.

In this video you will learn 3 types of listening skills and you will learn how to create clarity in your communication. We’ll also discuss some problem-solving skills so you can start to facilitate and coach your staff rather then being a constant problem-solver for them. Enjoy!

Lead To Succeed: The Lost Art Of Listening from Venture Coaching on Vimeo.

Now it’s time to notice where you’re “roadblocking”. I would love to hear about your discoveries and challenges, so please comment on this post to share your experience.

If you enjoyed this post, you can sign up for my FREE Lead to Succeed Email Course (click here) and these posts will come straight to your inbox. Just click on the banner to the left, sign up and stay connected!

12 Communication Roadblocks!

“Leadership exists in conversation, make yours powerful!” Laura Watson

You are in an ideal position to be in a supportive, helping relationship with your staff and partners. But this relationship is not given, it is earned. In order for you to have this helping relationship, you must learn the difference between the “language of unacceptance” and the “language of acceptance”. I guarantee that sometimes you are inadvertently using the language of unacceptance, which is undermining your leadership.

Language that communicates unacceptance “roadblocks” communication. It subtly communicates to the listener that “I’m right” and “you’re wrong”. Over time, your listeners (staff, colleagues, spouse, children) will resist or shut down from communicating with you because they don’t want to keep feeling criticized.

I’m sure it’s not your intention to give those around you the experience of being wrong or criticized. These roadblocks represent blind spots that sabotage your communication. When I make my clients aware of these blind spots, they change their communication style and their relationships immediately improve. Today I want to help you discover your blind spots so you can improve your communication and your leadership. Enjoy!

Lead To Succeed: Communication Roadblocks from Venture Coaching on Vimeo.

Now it’s time to notice where you’re “roadblocking”. I would love to hear about your discoveries and challenges, so please comment on this post to share your experience.

How To Give Effective Feedback

“Feedback is the breakfast of champions”, Ken Blanchard

Feedback helps people learn the impact of their behavior. Feedback is shared in order to reinforce so-called “right” behaviors and to let people know what behaviors are ineffective and need changing.

Feedback is an important skill for you to master. Given effectively, your personal and business relationships will thrive. Given poorly or not at all and you’ll likely end up frustrated with unhappy staff and high turn-over rates.

Here are some interesting stats about feedback:

Managers who received feedback on their strengths showed 8.9% greater profitability
69% of employees say they would work harder if they felt their efforts were better recognized
92% of respondents agreed with the assertion, “Negative (redirecting) feedback, if delivered appropriately, is effective at improving performance.”
80% of Gen Y said they prefer on-the-spot recognition over formal reviews
77% of HR execs believe performance reviews aren’t an accurate representation of employee performance

Feedback is a powerful performance-improvement mechanism. But it needs to be delivered in a manner that does not evoke defensiveness and (ideally) motivates people to change their behavior.

As a trained communication expert, I often coach my clients on how to give effective feedback. In today’s video I share some strategies for taking your feedback skills to the “next level”. Enjoy!

Lead To Succeed: Giving Effective Feedback from Venture Coaching on Vimeo.

Now it’s time to go out and practice giving great feedback! I would love to hear about your discoveries and challenges, so please comment on this post to share your experience.

The Cost of Using Power in Your Leadership

When I coach my clients, most of them agree that using power is not an effective leadership approach. However, when these same clients get stressed, frustrated or disappointed with employees, power is often used to get things “back on track” again. It becomes the option of last resort when no other methods or tools have been learned to replace it with.

Using power in your leadership undermines your leadership!

Read the following article to understand cost of using power in your leadership. And when you are ready to learn some alternatives, give me a call at: 403 669 8684.